As a child, I was an animal lover. Wherever there were animals, I was there. I wanted to become a vet, and then it changed to a mounted policewoman. Leaving school, I started working at a local riding school where I lived in. I had the option of living in a nice warm flat with central heating or a cold, damp caravan (next to the stables). Yes, I chose the caravan. I seemed to go for the hard options in life; if something seemed too easy, I would naturally take the more complex route, which includes this handsome boy below ‘Robin’ my childhood favourite pony who loved to buck me off on a regular basis.
At the age of 17, many life experiences happened in a very short period. I passed my driving test, started working as an apprentice for an Insurance brokers, and then met my first serious boyfriend. Life was good, and I was on cloud 9, new job, new boyfriend, found my independence driving around in my new banger -loving life! But this didn’t last very long. My boyfriend dumped me, and my friend from school passed away.
I then spent the following years drinking alcohol and partying to cover up the broken pieces. My self-esteem fell on the floor, along with my dignity. I spent many years ahead, living a fast-paced life of working hard and partying harder. I used alcohol as an escape from reality as I felt useless and not enough. I did take my job working at an insurance broker seriously, and I was proud that I worked my way up to a branch manager.
Throwing it back to my life almost ten years ago, I was at a crossroads. I knew I had a purpose, a destination to open my mind, but I didn’t know what it was. After being introduced to The Secret by Rhona Byrne (based on the Law of Attraction), I started to see life in a refreshing new way. My eyes opened wide to all the possibilities that were surrounding me, which blinded me before. I began to think differently, which led me to manifesting including my travels to Australia.
So, of course, when you take action, the universe works with you. Everything worked out; it flowed, saving the money, selling my car, renting out my house, and I getting myself a year’s working visa with just enough time to fit in applying for my 2nd years visa- it was meant to be, or was it?
Nine weeks before I was due to leave, I met a man, putting a right spanner in the works. To cut a long story short, I did go to Oz, but I cut my trip short and returned just two months later to be with this person- huge mistake!
I fell into a very toxic, messy relationship that was physically and emotionally abusive. I gave up my dream because I didn’t have any self-worth or value for myself to continue my planned trip. As a result, my confidence took a nosedive, and I completely lost myself; my friends said I just wasn’t me anymore.
After a series of unpleasant events, I picked up the courage to leave. The morning I left, I was guided by something a lot stronger than myself; I now believe this was my Higher-self. I was weak; I had enough, my spirit was low. With the help of some very special friends of mine, I never looked back.
I continued to drink myself into a dark hole as that was the only way I knew how to deal with pain. I used alcohol to block out reality which gave a false insight into my confidence. Looking back now, I was suffering from anxiety and depression; on the outside, you wouldn’t have noticed as I hid it well . Eventually, it caught up with me, and I was put on anti-depressants by my Doctor.
I then picked myself up; I was back on the manifesting train. I manifested a new job, my car, and the house, which I called “My healing House”. I took a mindset and Law of Attraction course, gained my reiki 1 and started to meditate. I listened to Louise Hay and Abraham Hicks every day, which I loved and kept me on track.
I even went on a week’s intensive tiling course in Newcastle; only I could take a week off work to drive miles to learn how to tile! Very random idea of mine.
But something was missing. I kept attracting the wrong relationships as I was vulnerable and still healing. I was looking for comfort in all the wrong places. I was held prisoner by my own fears, insecurities and lack of self-confidence.
Then in 2018, my world fell apart; my Dad passed away; he had a stroke a couple of years before and lived a life of pain and discomfort. It broke my heart seeing my Dad’s transition from a strong, happy Man, full of energy playing golf, gardening and painting. He lived life to the full to a life to limitation as he lost the use of his left-hand side, he couldn’t walk or eat properly. It was heartbreaking seeing him suffer. His passing was a massive release for him.
Then just weeks later, whilst I was on a snowboarding holiday in Bulgaria, I received a phone call from my Brother ‘Jez’, which shook me with horror that my older Brother James had a heart attack. I immediately flew back to the UK to be by his side in intensive care, then a week later, we had to make the dreaded decision to switch the machine off.
My world turned upside down, and I remember thinking how the hell will I be able to carry on without my big Brother. He was my best friend, I shared most of my secrets with him, and we shared many ups and downs.
In this blanket of grief, I somehow managed to turn my pain into power. I used their love as fuel to catapult myself into the best version of myself. I remember the day I decided to change my world. I was standing in the kitchen on my lunch break, dreading going back to work; when I decided to join a mindset coaching group, I found myself live in the group introducing myself as a person aiming to rise instead of fall.
On that day, I decided to raise my bar and take the reins of my life to create happiness to focus on my true desires. I immersed myself in the self-development world and loved every minute of it. This led me to investing in myself further by hiring my 1:1 coach, then the game really changed.
My self-worth and confidence fired up, and I came alive inside. All the broken pieces started to come together again. I found my passion in becoming a coach myself as I wanted to help others heal and find happiness too. I came off my anti-depressants, reduced my alcohol intake, and gained a Law of Attraction diploma. I also created a Facebook group and co-presented my very first event: ‘Aspire’ (a self-love mini-retreat).
I manifested a 2-month backpacking trip that was meant to be conveniently just before Covid, so I was super grateful to go! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Universe!
Today, I am super proud of myself for turning my pain into power and learning how to love and trust myself again I have so much passion boiling inside me, and I’m dying to share it with you.
If you resonate with my story in any way and feel you would like to reach out, please do; I would love to help. I am currently offering complimentary discovery sessions to discuss your needs and to see if we are the right fit to work together.